Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
