ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
