You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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