btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize