I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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