How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
