Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
