she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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