Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
