Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
