Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
