She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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