Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
