Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
