What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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