my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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