Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
