Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whod you bang
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
