Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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