insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
