i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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