the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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