you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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