He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
