She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
