everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
