So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
