i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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