You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
