I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
