i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
