You smell like a Billy Joel song
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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