Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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