I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
