I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
