is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He better not be in your backpack
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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