I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
