Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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