I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
