Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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