I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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