Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
