i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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