people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
