Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize