There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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