ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
