i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
