FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize