Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
