how can u be prego again
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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