He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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