M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
