Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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