Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
