Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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