why didn't you poke me back
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
