how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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