and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize