I didn't shave. On purpose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
