You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
