Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
