So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
