either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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