My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
