The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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