She said her name was "party"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
