i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
