Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i dont even know how to be here
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
