Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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