Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
