what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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