I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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