So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
