if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
