I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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