listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
