please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
