It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
