It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
