whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
