...so i touched it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
