I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
