cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
that may or may not have been my penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
