The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
