In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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