Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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