I think I died a long time ago.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
