she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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