Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
