I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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