I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize