I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
