i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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