i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
