I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
