I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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