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Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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