NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize