Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
