i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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