I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
