I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
