my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
